if you don't respect your own time, no one else will
something that happened to me recently—and how it changed the way I think about saying 'yes.'
Ever felt torn between being “nice” and being honest with yourself?
Most people think time is only wasted when you’re scrolling TikTok or binge-watching Netflix.
But some of the biggest time losses come from saying “yes” to things that aren’t aligned, then staying longer than we should out of guilt.
I recently caught myself in this trap.
Here’s what happened:
⏳ The Longest 20 Minutes of My Life
I booked a trial gym session. The appointment was at 7:30PM.
I showed up on time.
The receptionist? Asleep at the counter.
Already a red flag. But I let it slide.
Then I found out the person-in-charge (PIC) had completely forgotten about my booking. She apologized and said she would send a trainer over. He’d reach in 8 minutes.
Fair enough. I gave it a second chance and decided to wait.
But that 8 minutes? Turned into 15. No one showed up.
I texted the PIC again. She told me the trainer would now arrive at 8PM.
I was planning to leave at 8PM — because she promised that the trial would only take 30 minutes.
Part of me thought: I’ve already waited 15 minutes… might as well continue.
That’s when I caught myself. This was a sunk cost fallacy in real time.
And I made a different decision.
I texted her again:
“Sorry to make your trainer rush over, but I’ve decided to leave.”
🚶Here’s Why I Walked Away
Most people would think I was being rude, rigid, or unkind. Honestly, I used to think this way too. But now, I’ve learned to make time-related decisions through a sharper lens.
Here’s what went through my head:
First impressions are data. When the receptionist is asleep and the PIC forgets a confirmed appointment, that’s not just “oops.” That’s culture. That’s their norm.
And if a place doesn’t value time at the first impression, they likely won’t value my time later either.
I have a bigger goal—this wasn’t worth it. At this stage, I was just exploring personal training options. I wasn’t in a hurry to commit. That meant the only upside of this session would’ve been the experience, and that was already giving me red flags.
Family comes first. I had promised my mum we’d do grocery shopping at 8:30PM. I didn’t want to rush through that or show up flustered just because someone else didn’t respect my time.
On paper, it looks like I only wasted 15 minutes.
But in reality, these are the costs:
20 minutes to drive there
15 minutes of waiting
20 minutes to drive home
10 minutes communicating with the PIC
The indirect cost: mental preparation, deciding what to wear, and planning my day around it.
That’s more than an hour gone for a disappointing session.
Was it the gym’s fault? Partially, yes. But also mine.
I said yes too easily. I didn’t vet the place. I didn’t get referrals. I didn’t run a proper risk-benefit check.
Every time you say yes to something, you take on a risk.
That’s not bad, but we should evaluate those risks more clearly.
🔍 What I Learned: How I’ll Decide Next Time
We tend to guard our money more than our time.
But if we’re honest, time is the real currency.
Here’s my new checklist before committing to anything that takes my time:
✅ 1. Run a scenario-based risk-benefit analysis
What could go wrong, and what would I gain if it goes well?
In this case, the only benefit was getting to try out a gym and perhaps finally finding a gym to check in regularly. But the first impression already told me what I needed to know. That’s enough to walk away.
In the future, I’ll ask trusted friends for referrals before wasting time on “free” trials that aren’t actually free.
✅ 2. Long-term alignment check
Is this decision aligned with my bigger vision and values?
Right now, I’m focused on simplifying my routines, building a sustainable lifestyle, and showing up with energy. If someone I work with can’t even show up on time, how will they help me show up?
✅ 3. Short-term priority check
Does this fit my current quarter’s priorities?
Not everything needs to be a yes—even if it’s a “nice-to-have.” We protect our energy by focusing on fewer, better commitments.
💬 Final Thoughts
People-pleasers are the worst time managers (And I say this as a recovering one).
We overextend. We wait too long. We overthink how we’ll be perceived instead of owning what we need.
Time isn’t just about productivity. It’s about self-respect.
And the longer you tolerate misaligned yeses, the harder it becomes to say no with peace.
A quote I now live by:
“Boundaries mean that your energy is a privilege, not an open door.”
📥What’s one recent “yes” you gave that you now regret? Reply and share it with me—I’d love to hear your story.
Let’s make better time decisions together.
As always, I hope you enjoy this.
Talk soon,
Sze Min.